Up Over South America

If you’re a big fan of Soarin’ Over California, you’d better make plans to get to DCA before it’s gone forever! Disney announced today that Soc (as fans of footwear like to call it) will be closed in early 2011 to be replaced by an entirely new attraction, Up Over South America.

In the new attraction, guests — after receiving safety instructions from a talking dog — will enter a “house” in which are rows of what appear to be overstuffed chairs. Once they’ve buckled themselves in, enormous “balloons” will appear over the house, and the rows of chairs will be lifted into the air where a gigantic IMAX-size screen will play a film that, when combined with special motion-control apparatus hidden within the balloons, will make guests feel that they are being gently lifted (as in the Pixar short of the same name). In their chairs, guests will feel like they are flying out of town, through a storm (with real rain and lightning!), and to a vast South-American plateau where they will see exotic friendly birds, be attacked by an addled puppy-loving nut in a dirigible, and meet an old man who is hopelessly preoccupied by some dead lady.

Says DCA spokesperson Wendy Illusory (on condition of our pretending that she really exists), “This will be a gentle ride, suitable for the whole family aside from those with fears of heights, balloons, furniture, and dogs. Up Over South America will be like nothing that has ever been in a Disney park before! Well, except for Soarin’, but we’re taking that out. Seriously, we need to get more Pixar stuff in here quick before people stop coming to the park altogether. We’re not talking about the Brother Bear and the Bow play area yet, though, so don’t even mention it until after that movie comes out, okay? Same goes for the John Carter Warlord of Marzipan candy store overlay.”

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