New White Rhino!

Last week, a white rhino was born at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. The rhino weighed 178 pounds, and although this sounds like a lot, the baby rhino is actually significantly smaller than an adult, to the great relief of its mother.

This is the eighth white rhino born at Disney’s Animal Kingdom, and the park is running out of room for the things. “We can’t figure out why the females keep having babies,” said one incompetent animal-care cast member. “The males don’t do it — they’re very well behaved. We’ve asked them for advice, and they asked to be housed with the females to see what could be done, but if anything the problem has gotten worse since we did that. We’re at a complete loss. Next one that comes along goes straight on eBay.”

For your entertainment and education, here are a few white-rhino facts, directly from someone in a safari hat:

  • A white rhino is a gray rhino that was born while its mother was standing too close to a pool or vat of whitewash.
  • There is a famous scene in Tom Sawyer in which Tom tricks a bunch of kids to pay him to let them paint a rhino white.
  • You can’t eat a white rhino. If you try, it’ll kick your butt.
  • Although they are strict vegetarians (for ethical reasons), a white rhino can eat its weight in Volkswagens.
  • There is an urban legend that you can stop a rhino from charging by taking away its credit card. However, if you do that, the rhino will just open a PayPal account and link it to the credit card account.
  • Rhino pianist: terrible. Rhino taiko drummer: awesome!

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