Archive for May, 2008

Disney Animation 2012: King of the Elves

Saturday, May 10th, 2008

Not much is known about Disney’s 2012 feature, King of the Elves. All we can be sure of is that it’s the story of a man living in the swamps of Mississippi who puts together a band of elves to help him live his dream of performing as an Elvis impersonator.

Disney Animation 2012: Cars 2 — Rise of the Machines

Friday, May 9th, 2008

Pixar’s sequel to Cars, Cars 2 — Rise of the Machines, will arrive on screens in the summer of 2012. This time, things are looking good for Lightning McQueen as he continues to win races and gain fame. But what he doesn’t know is that his pal Mater has stumbled upon a computer chip that certain secret scientists thought had long ago been crushed in an industrial accident. After accidentally releasing its potential, Mater enlists Lightning to help him fight a growing army of horrible hybrid vehicles — half electric, and half alive.

Disney Animation 2011: Tinker Bell – A Winter Tale

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

The final direct-to-DVD Tinker Bell feature, Tinker Bell — A Winter Tale sees Tink in trouble once again! This time, her childhood friend Polixenes comes to visit, and everything is fine for the first nine months until Polixenes decides it’s time to go home. Tink gets her pal Queen Herman to convince him to stay, and Herman does so easily. But this makes Tink suspiscious, which drives her completely insane with the thought that Herman might be pregnant and she starts trying to poison people. Hilarity ensues.

Disney Animation 2011: The Bear and the Bow

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

For Christmas 2011, Pixar will release The Bear and the Bow, the story of an independent Scottish princess archer bear struggling with the burden of having too many attributes pre-assigned to her character. Because of this, she has an argument and runs away to England where she puts on green tights, leads a band of royalist thieves, shoots an arrow with another arrow, and falls in love with the beautiful Maid Marion (making her Disney’s second gay animated bear).

Fairied Alive!

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

According to a post over at Molehill Media, Disneyland will soon play host to walk-around versions of Tinker Bell and her direct-to-video fairy friends, just in time to make little girls beg, scream, cry, and/or threaten an embarrassing public tantrum for fairy merchandise!

The five fairies — Tinker Bell, Fawn, Rosetta, Asia and The Black One — will take over Ariel’s Grotto in a jolly “Kick the Mermaid’s Fishy Behind” ceremony some time later this year. So that they will be ready for the rush of young girls with autograph books, wide eyes, and puzzlement over who the new fairies are, Disneyland is currently holding auditions for young women with slight figures between three and five inches in height.

Disney Animation 2011: Newt

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Newt from Pixar will appear in the summer of 2001. This film asks the question, “What happens when the last two newts on the earth are a male and a female that hate each other?” and answers, “We’ll give you a hint: ‘dodo bird.'”

McRemoval

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Reports are that Disney’s Animal Kingdom’s Restaurantosaurus restaurant will be eliminating its McDonald’s food, replacing it with dining items more appropriate to the area’s prehistoric theme. According to rumor, the new menu involves cloned woolly mammoths and some kind of trilobite-related breakfast item.

The removal of McDonald’s food items will take more than a month, giving hasmat teams enough time to ensure that every last trace is gone.

Disney Animation 2010: Tinker Bell – A Midsummer Night’s Storm

Monday, May 5th, 2008

This direct-to-DVD Tinker Bell film will be the most complex to date, involving as it does three separate plot threads intertwined with the celebration of the wedding of the Duke of Thesaruses and Hippolady, queen of the Amazons. This film will introduce Titania, queen of the fairies, and a group of rude mechanical creatures that perform a cartoon feature within the cartoon. Puck, the hockey puck from the original Toy Story, make s a guest appearance.

Walt has a secret?

Monday, May 5th, 2008

During her last visit, our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent noticed that there has been a change to Disneyland’s Partners statue. Apparently, the figure of Walt is now holding some kind of brochure or pamphlet.

Partners statue with secret brochure

She was unable to get close enough to tell exactly what it was, but apparently it had to do with some kind of “best kept secret” that Disney is keeping under wraps. Well, they must be doing a pretty darned good job of keeping it secret, because we at DisneyLies sure haven’t heard anything about it!

We will look into this further and let you know when we have more information.

Disney Animation 2010: Rapunzel

Sunday, May 4th, 2008

With the 2010 release of Rapunzel, Disney will only have four common fairy tales left to make feature films out of (The Princess and the Pea, Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and Plato’s Republic). Knowing that they are nearing the end, Disney is pulling out all the stops on this one, using cutting-edge computer animation and filming the entire production in something called Hair-O-Vision.

Originally, Rapunzel was to be titled Rapunzel Unbraided, but an episode of Mythbusters dealing with the usefulness of hair for climbing proved that braided hair was actually stronger than unbraided hair, climbing wise, and if Rapunzel was going to have braided hair, they couldn’t advertise that she would be unbraided (for legal reasons).