Slowest time at the park in years

The data has just finished being crunched, and last week was officially Disneyland’s least busy week since Cynthia Harris was doused with a bucket of water and melted away.

According to Fanciful Disney Accountant Scrooge McGeek, “The slowdown in attendance appears to coincide specifically and precisely with the release of video game ‘Grand Theft Auto IV’. Apparently, people have been staying at home and playing this new game instead of choosing more wholesome American activities like attending theme parks. Indeed, mid-week Main Street was so empty that you could race down the middle of it at 90 mph in a convertible and swing a bat out the window without hitting so much as a stray hooker.”

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