Archive for April, 2008

New Emergency Procedures

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Disneyland has always maintained a focus on safety (aside from a brief period beginning in the mid ’90s). Even so, park management thinks that guests are not doing enough to keep their part of the safety bargain.

“You have no idea how unsafe guests can be,” said Perry Winkle, fictional Disneyland management professional. “They dance atop trash cans, put their kids on stilts to get them past height restrictions, and barely get out of the way when chunks fly off of insect-themed parade vehicles. Despite the safety benefits, it would be cost prohibitive to relieve the park of guests. That is why we have begun the Disneyland Safety Performance Initiative.”

This initiative involves teaching cast members to work safety information into their characters. Haunted Mansion cast members, for example, already use safety-related dialog (e.g., “Drag your body to the dead center of the room, or the unstoppable closing doors may leave half your corpse behind.”)

Our Official Disney Lies Photo Correspondent caught sight of a pair of newly trained Indiana Jones cast members perform the “if you’re not at least this tall, you could end up like this” skit.

Disneyland Indiana Jones attraction height demo demonstration

Hopefully, this will make us all much safer!

Wine event sold out

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

The California Food and Wine Festival takes place this month at Disney’s California Adventure. This event is increasingly popular, and we have received word that the April 13 “See DCA Like a Wine Expert” class is already sold out. It is expected that this will be the last year for this popular event, in which guests drink wine until DCA “looks really, really attractive,” because improvements to the park will soon make drunkenness unnecessary for its complete enjoyment.

Seasons of the Vine

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

We apologize for overlooking the fact that the often-overlooked “Seasons of the Vine” film at Disney’s California Adventure closed at the end of last month. We are very sorry to see this informative and educational attraction go, as we visited it every time we thought about it, or would have if we had.

Julie Andrews event change

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

There’s been a last-minute change to today’s visit of Julie Andrews to Disneyland. The actress will still be signing copies of her new autobiography, but because of a recent minor muscle strain she will not be performing her usual martial-arts demonstration. Guests who wish to have their copy of her new book autographed and then snapped in two with one mighty blow from her dainty hand will be accommodated, however.

Andrews hopes to be back in “fighting condition” by the end of the month when filming begins on Grandparent Rumble, in which she costars with her long-time sparring partner Chuck Norris.

“it’s a small world” problem resolved (sorta)

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

There has been quite a bit of controversy recently regarding rumored plans to insert Disney characters into Disneyland’s classic “it’s a small world” attraction (Condorman in Canada, Nemo in the vehicle waterway, etc.)

To address complaints that classic Mary “Mary” Blair characters are going to be displaced by cartoon characters, Imagineers have announced that any displaced characters will find new homes in other Disneyland attractions. Look for tiny foreign children to make ghostly appearances in the Haunted Mansion, float weightless in Space Mountain, and participate in the newly rescripted, “tiki room school room.”

Skyrocketing strollers

Monday, April 7th, 2008

At Walt Disney World, stroller prices just took a gigantic upswing — A single-child stroller is now $15 a day (up from $1.50) and two-child strollers are $31 a day (up from $2, or $1.75 if you have a coupon or it’s your birthday).

Although the price increase is understandable (stroller rental rates are, after all, traditionally inversely proportional to housing costs), they still have many parents up in arms — or babe in arms, as the case may be if they can’t afford to rent a stroller.

On more than one occasion in recent days parents have been heard to tell their tikes, “I’ll give you $10 if you’ll just walk today.” It’s bribery, sure, but it makes financial sense.

Personalization for Sale

Monday, April 7th, 2008

A new study by the Disney Accounting Department reveals that the billion-dollar upgrade to Disney’s California Adventure may cost the company as much as a billion dollars. In order to offset these costs, Disneyland is currently running a promotion whereby guests can have various attractions and locations in the park named after themselves or loved ones.

Cinderella statue installation available for sponsorship

Our Official DisneyLies Photographer spotted this Cinderella statue installation waiting for a sponsor. The price tag? Said an unquotable Disney spokesperson, “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”

New Edison Square album!

Saturday, April 5th, 2008

We just received our review copy of Edison Square’s new Disney-themed album, This High to Enter.

It’s really quite fabulous. Our favorite track? The Haunted Mansion themed song “Fears.”

Enjoy!

King Arthur Carrousel Shocker!

Friday, April 4th, 2008

When the King Arthur Carrousel reopened today after a surprise refurbishment, guests were very surprised to see that the classic horses had all been replaced with Disney cartoon characters (namely Prince Phillip’s horse from Sleeping Beauty). It is rumored that Disney has already received a rather curt note from the family of the Carrousel’s original builder, the late Ed Horseman, demanding that everything be put back the way it was when Walt was alive (including moving the Carrousel back to its original location).

Segways away

Friday, April 4th, 2008

In response to recent complaints and/or lawsuits regarding the use of Segway personal transport devices on Disney property, Disney has begun an investigatory prototype program through which disabled individuals can use Segways on property while impact on guests is measured.

Our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent followed a subject during one such test. She noticed that, using the self-balancing device, the Segway-assisted guest had no trouble getting around on even difficult terrain, such as that found on Pirate’s Lair on the Island Formerly Known as Tom Sawyer Island.

Segway on Tom Sawyer Island

The Segway was also able to avoid crowded conditions in Tomorrowland by using the special Segway-enabled “sky ramp” overpass system.

Segway in Tomorrowland

There were several places where the Segway was less of a success, however. For example, it had trouble remaining upright on Splash Mountain and kept the rider’s score pitifully close to zero on the Starcade’s Dance Dance Revolution game.