Archive for April, 2008

Goodall’s revolt!

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Jane Goodall, famed monkeyologist, visited Disney’s Animal Kingdom today as part of the park’s 10th anniversary celebration.

Goodall made a small speech about our responsibility to the Earth before walking with an elegant stride into the Pangani Forest Exploration Trail, setting the gorillas free, and organizing a park-wide simian revolt. With her army of hairy brutes, Goodall forced her way to the front of the Everest queue and rode the attraction repeatedly. Guest who protested were met with sharp-toothed growls and the unspoken threat that they would be peeled like so many tourist-attired bananas if they so much as suggested that the great scientist’s ride be interrupted.

After a few dozen rides, Goodall signaled that she was done and commanded her followers to peacefully return to their enclosures.

To round out the afternoon, Goodall headed to Tusker House where she signed autographs, shrugged off endless lame Planet of the Apes jokes, and had a leisurely lunch of fresh fruit, small birds, and termite grub.

Horrible Accident!

Monday, April 21st, 2008

Tragedy struck on Disneyland’s Main Street today as a rogue driver — apparently lost on his way to the parking structure — ran down a pair of British nationals on holiday. The driver was not identified and the car did not stop, but our Official DisneyLies Photographer happened to snap this picture a split second before the impact:

Traffic accident inside Disneyland

The man and woman were immediately taken to Tinker Bell Memorial Hospital. The man suffered minor injuries to his kite-flying hand and a bad break in his knee means he may never be able to perform as a one-man band again. The woman, although she was at the center of the accident, was judged to be practically perfect in every way and released the same afternoon.

Inno-vehicles

Friday, April 18th, 2008

As part of the new House of the Future exhibit in Innoventions, a number of high-tech and speculative vehicles will be on display in the Garage of Tomorrow. Our Official DisneyLies Photo Correspondent happened to catch a glimpse of one of those vehicles — the Honda Hovercycle — as it was being installed.

Disneyland Innoventions Honda Hovercycle

I hope they’ll let guests take it for a spin!

VIP FASTPASS

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

A recent post on the Unofficial Disney Fan Insider Unvetted Rumor Central Blog revealed that each and every day Disneyland issues as many as ten VIP FASTPASSes to what are described as “guests who are so high profile that they deserve better treatment than mere humans but are too cheap to hire a private tour guide.” Recipients of these special passes include high-profile politicians, celebrities, professional athletes, rock stars, friends of corporate executives, “hunks,” and “babes.” On less crowded days of the year, Guest Services may also “throw a bone” to the occasional Nobel or Pulitzer prize winner.

A VIP FASTPASS grants the bearer many privileges, including the right to:

  • Skip to the front of any attraction queue.
  • Go to the front of an attraction queue without skipping.
  • Receive priority seating at any restaurant, show, parade, fireworks display, smoking area, or prime people-watching location.
  • Receive a free bonus scoop of popcorn with the purchase of a popcorn scoop at the regular price.
  • Get nothing but extra-optimistic fortunes from the Esmeralda machine on Main Street.
  • Ride Splash Mountain without getting wet.
  • Not visit Disney’s California Adventure at all.

Some Disneyland fans are quite upset about these VIP FASTPASSes, and with good reason. As one fan put it, “FASTPASS already has too many capital letters in it. VIP FASTPASS is just gilding the Empress Lilly. And it’s a pain to type.”

Petersen Cars Exhibit

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

The Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles (a city in California) is currently hosting an exhibit of items related to the Pixar film Cars.

We were rather disappointed in the displays. Many of them were framed artwork that was supposedly from the movie, but everyone knows that Cars was computer animated so there was no hand-drawn art. How dumb do they think we are. There were also some little statues of the characters, but the film wasn’t claymantion either. Very, very deceptive.

One nice feature of the exhibit was a gallery of full-size Cars characters in costumes as if they were in different Disney films. Below is a photo of Lightning McQueen in Pirates garb. Also present were Mater, dressed as Winnie the Pooh, and Doc Hudson as Tinker Bell.

Lightning McQueen pirate car from the Peterson Museum display

Disneyland for a penny

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

A DisneyLies reader writes:

I was reading that if you present a 1943 coper penny at the ticket booth in Disneyland that they need 2 give u a ticket. Now i know that the 1943 penny, on the back it says One Cent and has two leafs on each side. I have a 1946 and a 1957 penny that say the same thing. Now my question is, do you have too present a 1943 penny or can it be any penny that says one cent on the back of it with the two leafs. I have a few of those and i heard that they can take them but i was not sure and i found this website. I hope to hear from you guys soon because i am going to Disneyland this tuesday and i wanted to see if it works. Thank you!

As it turns out, Disneyland will take any penny that has a wheat back. The only difference is that you only need one of the 1943 copper pennies, but with any other wheat-back penny you need many more of them (at the time of this writing, 5,600). Enjoy the park!

Vandalizing Mr. Toad

Monday, April 14th, 2008

There is, unfortunately, a long tradition of vandalizing the statue of Mr. Toad inside Disneyland’s Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Frequent visitors will remember a time when the statue’s right hand was held in front of its face with a haughty gesture of satisfaction at his living arrangements. But after years of guests putting their chewed gum on the hand, it eventually collapsed beneath the weight, leaving poor Mr. Toad a limb shy of a quartet.

Just last week, Toad vandalism reached new heights when a guest released several dozen wild poison dart frogs into the attraction (see the Official DisneyLies Photographer’s official DisneyLies photograph below). Only a few guests were poisoned — hardy any of them fatally — and, more importantly, Disney’s Animal Control Department was able to round up most of the critters before serious damage was done to the attraction.

Mr. Toad vandalism

But the long-term effects of this prank are still to be realized. Apparently, a few survived and now animal-rights groups are petitioning to have Disneyland declared a poison dart toad wetland preserve. Since these are now the only wild frogs of their type in southern California, consensus is that they may win when they have their day in court. Should that come to pass, Disneyland guests may find their activities severely curtailed as the endangered frogs will be given right of way at all times. It is not clear what effect this will have on already-crowded Dumbo and Peter Pan queues.

“small world” protest blocked

Saturday, April 12th, 2008

We have received reports that protesters from Save “small world” have been unable to carry out their planned protest along the route of the Olympic Torch. Says the group’s hypothetical leader Blaire Childe, “This other group of protesters kept getting in our way. They had all these signs about Tibet, and we kept trying to tell them that it’s not the Tibet scene that’s in danger, but the rain forest scene. It’s like they weren’t even listening.”

The group will move on to their second protest project, the recording of a new song titled “We are the small world,” which will feature various stars from the world of music singing about how this beloved attraction should be preserved. To date, they have not signed up any singers although, according to rumor, Michael Jackson keeps leaving messages that are never returned.

Blue Bayou shut down

Friday, April 11th, 2008

In recent years, the Blue Bayou’s has come under increasing criticism, as some guests think there have been attempts to hide decreasing food quality by increasing the use of “authentic New Orleans spices.” Their complaints were buoyed yesterday when a small child in a highchair managed to get her hands on a piece of crab cake from her mother’s plate and, after eating it, burst into flames.

Blue Bayou shut down

Because of this incident, The Blue Bayou will remain closed until chefs and chemists have revised the menu to the fire department’s specifications.

Presidents upgrade protested

Friday, April 11th, 2008

There has been much furor in recent days over the announcement that Walt Disney World’s Hall of Presidents will be closed for extensive maintenance and plussing. At first, it was rumored that the long refurbishment time for the attraction was due to the fact that all of the seats were being replaced (apparently guests are, on average, much larger to day than they were back when this attraction was first opened). However, rumors quickly began to spread that significant changes were being made to the attraction itself.

What changes? To make sure that we are not accidentally spreading substantiated rumors, we’ll let Managio Blunder — supposed Disney Director of Imagination Marketing — speak for himself: “The changes to the Hall of Presidents really aren’t anything to get excited about. We have been planning to plus the attraction for years, and when we noticed that a lot of materials were being created for Hong Kong Disneyland, we just decided to make an extra set that could be used to plus our attraction. So all we’re doing is adding Disney characters in a few key areas — Mickey advising George Washington, Stitch rooting around in Lincoln’s pants, that kind of thing — which our surveys show is what guests want. They want more characters. We’ll also be removing some of the less popular presidents and replacing them with leaders of other countries — such as France, Japan, and China — in the name of diversity. Oh, and we’re replacing that sappy opening speech with Disney Channel ads. Really, there’s no reason to get all worked up.”

Recently, the family of Disney Legend Blaine Gibson wrote to the Walt Disney Company, threatening mass suicide if the changes went through. Disney responded that they believed the changes were in keeping with the attraction’s original intent, “to delight guests with the great leaders of history.”

Because Warren G. Harding is one of the presidential figures scheduled for replacement, a group protesting the changes has gathered under the banner, “Stop the War on Harding.” They have set up a Web site, are gathering e-signatures, and promise to “keep bugging Disney until they get a clue.”

We’ll keep you posted as events develop!