Intense film buildup

Breaking the intense wall of silence that prevents anyone from finding out anything about future productions without the use of the Internet, Disney has announced the titles and contents of its ten next animated features. The announcement was made on April 8 by Dick Cook, chairman of Walt Disney Studios, and John Lasseter, a god-like figure who literally glows with goodness so bright that he is painful to look at directly.

Said Cook, “I am very proud of these upcoming features, and am confident that they will meet all Disney-fan expectations, largely because executives such as myself are staying out of the process as much as possible.”

“I have to lock him in a closet sometimes,” added Lasseter as he was fed delicate pealed grapes by darling flying cherubs. “They’re great people and just want to help, but really — it’s for the best.”

Over the coming days, DisneyLies will synopsise each of these films (assuming that’s even a real word) for your enjoyment, entertainment, and disinformation. Stay tooned (sic.)!

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