Haunted Mansion (PC Version)

Apparently, the behavior of cast members in the entrance and stretching-room loading areas of Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion has lead to numerous (well, two) complaints. The complaints include accusations of the cast members’ speeches being insensitive to the handicapped. For example, the loading instruction, “For the best view of the gallery, please drag your bodies to the dead center of the room” may be seen as insulting to the blind (because they can’t “view”), those in wheelchairs (because they can’t “drag”), to the recently deceased (because they’re “dead”), and to the disoriented (because they can’t find the “center of the room”).

To address this problem, Imagineers are developing a script for the entrance area, which cast members will be required to rigidly stick to. The new script is being developed in conjunction with experienced cast members from the park’s most dialogue-intensive attraction, the Jungle Cruise. It is expected that the new dialogue will be much more entertaining than the current, unapproved dialogue. Some lines currently under consideration:

  • “Here are paintings of some of our guests as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state — namely Florida.”
  • “They say that if the rope breaks the corpse hanging in the attic could fall 20 feet to the gallery floor. But don’t worry, we’re 30 feet away — he’ll never reach us.”
  • “If you think something exciting is about to happen, you’re going to be let down.”

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