While examining photos from his recent trip to Disneyland, famed UFO expert Heartland Digitalis made an incredible discovery — one that may have frightening implications both for those interested in social liberties and anyone who would like to put off for as long as possible a future in which individuals have their brains completely co-opted by their corporate masters. His complete, detailed, peer-reviewed report is below.
I am Heartland Digitalis, expert and self-awarded PhD. of forensic photography. Take a look at this seemingly innocuous photo taken on the new-and-improved Disneyland submarine attraction:
Pretty normal, right? You can clearly see a pair of crabs fighting, bubbles, rocks, even water. Nothing too suspiciousÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ or so you’d think!
By carefully adjusting the colors to simulate infra-red photography, we can see the attractions heat patterns. The crabs are hotter than the water around them, as expected, but the rocks below them are also hot. What sense does that make — unless the rocks contain a power source of some kindÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ perhaps a power source on which the crabs were placed in order to mask its heat signature!
Given that clue, I adjusted the photograph’s levels to bring out additional detail — the same process that has been used to discover secret government space probes and other hidden objects that you are not supposed to know about.
With the photo adjusted, we clearly see that there is some kind of gigantic sphere hanging in the water. It is either camouflaged, semi-transparent, or both, but the science-probing eye of Photoshop reveals what is clearly a high-tech mind control sphere, perhaps created with the use of alien technology captured from alien visitors at the government’s secret Area 51 research facility!
But that’s not all! By enlarging, zooming in, and brightening the photograph, we can clearly see (click to enlarge)…
…what can only be a tyrannosaurus rex and triceratops engaged in battle! But how can this be, since those fighting dinosaurs could only exist millions of years in the past? Clearly, the alien technology used in the mind-control device is warping space and time, making it possible for us to see into the past!
So if after riding the Finding Nemo submarine attraction you find yourself behaving in strange ways (such as wanting to pin trade) or suffering other symptoms (legs aching as if you’ve been standing for hours, even though you sat through the ride), remember that you may have been exposed to massive amounts of mind-control radiation! Seek treatment at a reputable anti-corporate deprogramming facility immediately, before you find you wallet drained and your fists filled with churros!