Walt Disney World is located in Florida’s Weedy Creek Development District, a county completely owned and operated by the Walt Disney Company. This allows the company to pass laws that will be beneficial to its guests (such as the ban on the sale of thong bathing suits to very large men) and its corporate interests (e.g., the death penalty for unauthorized DVD duplication). It also empowers the company to maintain its own police force, and yesterday the WDWPD raided a room at the All Star Movies hotel and made their largest bust to date.
As everyone knows, sale and possession of chewing gum is not allowed on WDW property, but Johan Wrigley and three coconspirators (Lester “Chews” Kent, Eddie “Stretch” Sanford, and Amanda “Double Bubble” Irvine) were found with twelve full and partial packs of the stuff in their room — more than enough to show intent to distribute. Gum was found in stick (or “line”), ball (or “goofball”), and chicklet (or “rock”) form, and several packs were bubble gum (known as “blow” on the streets).
Officer Adele Buster — who recently gained fame for righteously ejecting guests from Disney property at 2 a.m. because their kid knew a kid who was in a fight when they weren’t there — headed the raid. “These predators had it coming,” said Buster. “They say they only had the stuff for personal use, but we found lots of cash in their room and that’s clear evidence that they’ve been selling. Who brings piles of cash on vacation? They’re just thinking of themselves and not of the kids who get their hands on this stuff, chew it, and next thing you know it’s not just in their mouth, it’s in their hair or on their shoe or the shoe of a complete stranger. Gum is a gateway to all kinds of evil. Maybe these dealers will change their ways, maybe we’ll get through to them, maybe this will be a wakeup call — and not one of those cool recorded wakeup calls from Mickey Mouse. In any case, two hours in WDW detention will give them something to chew on.”