Disney Lies

Today marked the official final day of Disney/MGM Studios existence. To celebrate the occasion, the park’s maintenance department called a press conference and — with great ceremony and accompanied by fireworks — blew up the entire park.

Apparently this was a mistake and the park was not scheduled for demolition. “We were just going to change the name,” said a member of park management on condition that she not be quoted. “We weren’t going to close. I guess we can rebuild, but it might take a while. The place was due for some freshening up anyway.”

Plans are to open the park as usual tomorrow with warning cones around craters and smoldering rubble, and what shows and attractions that can be salvaged presented on the remaining street or in tents.

In anticipation of the success of next year’s Pixar feature WALL-E, the film’s title character is being given a home in Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. At the end of the first quarter of 2008, WDW guests will be able to see a fifth-generation animatronic WALL-E in Tomorrowland Carousel of Progress.

The WALL-E (whose name we’re already tired of typing, what with all the caps) will replace replacing the family dog in all scenes. WALL-E’s technology will be in keeping with the time of each scene, beginning with a “steampunk” robot, moving to a version created with vacuum tubes, then to a smaller “transistorized” creature, and ending with a nano-technology robot that is so small the audience won’t even be able to see it.

This year, Walt Disney World employees donated more than 23,000 toys to the annual Toys for Tots charity drive, and this year more of the toys were purchased (rather than taken from park overstock or lost and found) than ever before. Unfortunately, due to a bit of miscommunication, all the toys were delivered to Mr. Jacob Tots in Miami who, although he says he appreciates the thought, plans to have a very large garage sale just after the new year.