Archive for November, 2007

Decoration Deconstruction

Monday, November 12th, 2007

Disneyland is in the midst of its annual switch from Halloween to Christmas decorations. Because of the great cost savings realized when decorations serve two holidays (as the Haunted Mansion Holiday decorations do), Disney is actively searching for additional opportunities to create bi-holiday decorations.

This year, the giant Jack o’ lantern on Main Street was constructed with Disneyland’s Christmas tree curled up inside. In this way, the tree would spring up, fully decorated, when the faux pumpkin was removed, and Disney would save the cost of installing the tree (since it would have been installed at the same time as the pumpkin). Unfortunately, when the pumpkin was removed earlier this week, it was found that the tree was dead. “It was a bit of a miscalculation,” said employee Maxine Pathos, who prefers to remain anonymous. “We knew that the tree would need water during the Halloween season, but we forgot to leave food and water for Charlie, the poor guy who was left in the pumpkin to operate the watering can.”

For budgetary reasons, Charlie’s funeral will be combined with the season’s first Christmas Fantasy parade.

Don’t Cry for the Mouse, Argentina

Friday, November 9th, 2007

Disney is going to sue “wealthy maniac” Emile Maxim St. Patrick Higgins who recently announced that he and Disney will be partnering to create Disneyland Argentina, a theme park in the Disneyland tradition but with special Argentinean touches (Pirates of the Falkland Islands, Evitaland, etc.). Apparently, Disney is displeased with the announcement in that there is no “truth” in it at all.

On the other hand, rumors of a new park being built in Russia have been confirmed — Krasnoyarsk Disneylancovich will open in 2012. It is expected to particularly popular with those who remember the former Soviet Union, since they are already acclimated to standing in long lines.

Breaking news: Disney has announced that it is putting on hold the ground-breaking ceremony for Walt Disney World Pakistan.

Prince Princess

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

Disney has commissioned rogue photographer Annie Leibovitz to create another series of photos in which celebrities are depicted as Disney characters. Last year’s photos included Miley Cyrus as Cinderella, Jimmy Kimmel as Prince Phillip, and Alice Cooper as Alice in Wonderland (with the Olson twins as Tweedles Dum and Dee).

The new series has Stephen Colbert as King Arthur, Shrek as the Blue Fairy, and the artist formerly known as Prince as Snow White.

Prince White

Strike!

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

The Hollywood writer’s strike is a big blow for Disney. Until the strike is over, characters in all Disney parks will be unable to speak. It is not yet clear whether other cast members will have to remain silent as well.

Supersizing “it’s a small world”

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

Disneyland has announced that the popular “it’s a small world” attraction will be closed for a lengthy refurbishment in 2008. The refurbishment is largely intended to deal with problems caused by the gradual increase in the average size and weight of American.

“Because of changes in eating habits, Americans are bigger than they were back in the ’50s or ’60s or whenever it was that this attraction first opened,” said Disneyland spokesperson Dale Pluton. “This is causing Disneyland guests to react to ‘small world’ in ways that Marty Blare (or whoever) never intended.”

Reportedly, children are increasingly asking why the little children depicted in “it’s a small world” are starving, and occasionally the figures’ thin bodies and arms lead young guests to assume that they are intended to depict skeletons.

Says Pluton, “During the refurb, we’re going to be fattening all the dolls of American children up so that they are more in keeping with current body images. It hasn’t been decided if the children from other countries will follow suit. It’s a tough balance between meeting guest expectations and maintaining what little realism there is in the attraction.”