Archive for November, 2007

Kevin Yee’s New Book

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Kevin Yee at has a new book available: Mouse Trap. Although the title might make you think this is just a takeoff on The Parent Trap (but with mice), the book is really much more than that. It is, in fact, a complete account of the years Yee spent working at Disneyland, recorded in excruciating detail in 15-minute increments. Every moment — from his arrival in the parking lot in the morning to clocking out at night — is completely described, starting with his first day of employment, and ending on the day he was let go for spending so much time writing in his diary at work.

Because the book’s cover is not yet ready, Yee is offering a special pre-publication deal. Order the book now and you will receive not only the book in a plain temporary cover, but also a special chapter in which appears all of the entries that have been removed from the final addition (most of which, unfortunately, involve using the restroom).

Where to Leave the Dead?

Monday, November 19th, 2007

In a new article, fanatic Disney-fan Web site Mice Age chronicles Disneyland’s increasing problem of people bringing the remains of loved ones into the park for disposal. Even though most of the loved ones in question were cremated, human remains are a big custodial and ethical problem, and can lead to bad show, hauntings, or asthma attacks in guests who are allergic to other guest. The Mice Age article recommends that if you are going to throw the ashes of a former Disney fan one around, you should avoid high-profile attractions like the Haunted Mansion and pirates, and concentrate on lesser-known attractions like the Matterhorn or (for the remains of someone you want to suffer for eternity) “it’s a small world”. The article also suggests that it might be fun to do more than just dump out ashes beside a ride vehicle — for example, by tossing handfuls into the air while spinning on the teacups.

Update: On November 17, Disney officials officially responded to these reports, reporting, “It’s just not true that people throw dead bodies here and there all over Disneyland. It’s not true at all. You can’t prove it, and I can deny it with impunity. You also can’t prove that thing about churros being full of beef byproducts. It’s all a bunch of urban legends being spread by fanatics that run blogs with no accountability. I’ll bet you $1,000 you’ll never see me quoted, not even out of context, on a legitimate Disney blog.” So far, his money seems safe.

Pardon our Turkeys

Monday, November 19th, 2007

Per tradition, President George “W.” Bush will pardon a pair of turkey this week, exempting them from execution for another year. (Readers outside the U.S. may not be aware that turkeys are killed and eaten only when they have been accused and convicted of crimes against humanity — that’s why only a Presidential pardon is necessary to spare one of the birds).

A couple of years ago, folks at Disneyland realized that it would be neat to invite the pardoned fowl to stay at the park, living out the balance of their lives in the same comfort extended to all cast members. The promotion was so successful that executives at Walt Disney World said that they would like the turkeys sent there in future years, but Disneyland put its foot down — the idea came from California, it would stay in California, and nobody was going to tell them otherwise, no matter how much bigger their resort was.

The turkeys will arrive in Walt Disney World later this week.

Disneyland Paris Update

Sunday, November 18th, 2007

New financial information is available regarding the troubled Disneyland Paris resort, and unfortunately reports are mixed. The good news is that attendance is up and there are high hopes that the resort will turn a steady profit in the near future (around the same time we get this whole “global warming” thing sorted out and fixed). The bad news is that, so far as analysts have been able to determine, the resort is still in France.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 70th Anniversary Celebration

Friday, November 16th, 2007

On this, the 70th anniversary of its historic prodigal animated epic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (an old movie), Disney is celebrating in its theme parks around the world! Today only, Snow White will make special appearances in each park, apples will be for sale on snack carts, and families with seven children and long-bearded dwarfs will enjoy half-price admission (to defray the celebration’s cost, the price of everything in the parks will be raised a celebratory $7).

Last Year for Osborne

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights is lit at Disney-MGM Studios, bringing more than 6,600,000,000 tiny lights (one for each person on Earth, updated nightly) to life each night with enough electricity to power a destitute South American town for an entire year! The lights are programmed to twinkle and dance in tune to lively Christmas music (“Father Christmas,” “Christmas Wrapping,” “Oi to the World!,” etc.) and may prove inadvertently fatal to epileptics.

Disney trivia buffs know that every year a light-up purple cat is hidden amongst the lights. But very few know that this cat is a tribute to the famous purple cat Christmas poem of the same name (“I never saw a purple cat / I never hope to see one / But if I get one Christmas day / Bet it’s an L.E.D. one!”)

We close with a bit of sad news for fans of Christmas lights. This is the last year that the Osborne Family Spectacle will be shown at Disney-MGM Studios. Next year, and presumably for the foreseeable future, it will be presented for holiday celebrations at Disney’s Hollywood Studios instead. Sorry!

Disney-MGM No More!

Thursday, November 15th, 2007

On January 7, Disney-MGM Studios will officially change its name to Disney’s Hollywood Studios, much to the pleasure of those who dislike hyphenated theme-park names. The name change is necessary because MGM has decided not to renew its branding contract with Disney. Although some analysts believe that this is because MGM is not pleased with the $1/day contract rate then Disney CEO Michael Eisner blackmailed them into, a Disney insider said it is more likely “because MGM is just a bunch of big meany jerko jerks.”

When questioned about why Disney’s Hollywood Studios was chosen as the park’s new name, Disney’s press correspondent corresponded, “It’s because the only other possible alternative, MGM’s Hollywood Studios, did not test market as well.”

In addition to switching signage, Disney will have to make many more subtle changes to the park, in keeping with its new image. For example, all the animatronic figures in The Great Movie Ride will now wear Muppet masks, and the title character in the Indiana Jones Stunt Show will be portrayed by Kim Possible.

Rock ‘n’ Rollerwear

Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Hanesbrands Inc. has signed up as sponsor of Disney-MGM Studios’ Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith. An exciting line of Hanes Men’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Briefs (as worn by Aerosmith) was also announced.

Hannah, Montana fan club suing

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Fans of the small town of Hannah, Montana filed suit today, angry that membership in the Official Hannah, Montana, Fan Club has not helped them get bus tickets to the town of which they are so fond. Apparently, fans of chipmunk-cheeked singer/actress Miley Cyrus have been scooping up bus tickets as fast as they can be produced, and those that are not purchased by fans are being grabbed by scalpers who demand hundreds of times face value for the chance to take a greasy bus to a town few people even know exists. Nobody knows why this is happening.

“It’s one-a them thar Innernet fee-nomenas,” said whoever it was that answered the phone when we called. “Gol darned if I canna ‘splain it.”

The entire membership of the fan club (some 18 individuals, outnumbering the population of the town they love by some 25%) is part of this class-action suit. “We just want to be there for the canning festival,” said one. “Is that so much to ask?”

Snow on the Castle

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

An unexpected problem has arisen in relation to the new holiday-time “snow” decorations on the castle. As one cast member describes it, “With the castle covered in snow, people keep mistaking it for the Matterhorn, which is pretty close by. I just tell people to try and remember that the pink one is the castle, and the one with all the screaming coming out of it is the Matterhorn.”

The situation may be exacerbated later this month when the castle’s walkthrough area is reopened with the new “Lair of the Abominable Snowman” attraction.