A Billion Oahu Bucks!

Disney has announced that it will be spending some $1 billion on a new resort in Oahu — more than ten times what this Hawaiian island brings in each year in revenue from its two biggest industries, pineapple and corporate luaus. The resort, as yet unnamed, will have a Tiki Room theme, and every stateroom will sport beds with hand-carved chanting bedposts.

A large portion of the expense will be invested in relocating all native wildlife from the resort grounds to make way for animatronic creatures. Said a Disney spokesperson, “If it moves, you’ll be able to talk to it. If it’s got legs or wings, it’ll also have a song in its heart and some kind of funny foreign-sounding accent.”

Leave a Reply