Disney Lies

Innoventions at Disneyland is going through a renaissance (or however you spell that) at the moment, adding sponsors like a hyperactive NASCAR driver. Quite a few new sponsors (including Microsoft, Peterson Military Robotics, and the Dreamworks Defamation League) are already active or waiting in the wings, and Siemens has become a significant presence.

The newest addition from Siemens is the Super Driver virtual driving simulator, which — with incredible realism — lets visitors experience what it would be like to chase world-destroying evil geniuses using a vehicle with all the latest technology (collision avoidance, autodrive, the ability to drive on the ceiling, and x-ray vision that looks suspiciously like infra-red vision).

It is hoped that future Siemens exhibits will have something to do with products actually produced by Siemens and available in the real world.

Last week I reported that a group of annoyed Disney fanatics had threatened to steal Fort Wilderness in protest over changes to Tom Sawyer Island. Well, last Wednesday they attempted to make good their threat, and got away with a good portion of the fort before Disneyland security got wise.

"Cast members at the park entrance noticed an unusual number of guests leaving the park with over-sized backpacks that smelled like freshly-sawed wood," said Martin Pately, an anonymous security cast member. "Wood shavings were also being disposed of 'Great Escape' style by guests with bags of sawdust in their pants who would slowly release the detritus as they walked around the park."

Although the attempted theft was not a complete success (from the thieves' perspective), enough of the fort was removed that the rest of it will have to be demolished, costing Disney millions of dollars and leaving countless termites homeless.

One of the fort thieves wrote to DisneyLies over the weekend, saying, "I think we made our point well! Next on the agenda — if Epcot doesn't stop adding characters to what is supposed to be a science and knowledge-based theme park, we're going to steal the Sorcerer Mickey arm right off Spaceship Earth in 2008!"

Will they do it? Only time will tell!

It's been a while since our last post because, frankly, there hasn't been much news regarding Disney (something about a submarine, but that's about it).

However, today we heard what may be the biggest rumor ever in the history of Disneyland. It seems that some annual passholders are VERY upset about the "pirating up" of Tom Sawyer Island and intend to do something about it. They claim that, if Disney does not put the island back "the way Walt wanted it" immediately they will — and this is a direct quote — "steal the fort right off the island in broad daylight"!

Now, Disney has big plans for the fort in the coming year so they can't afford to lose the thing. I'm guessing that Disney security is going to be checking people's bags extra carefully over the next few days, looking for band saws and other such implements.

Will Disney cave? Will the "true fans" carry out their threat? Stay tuned for more as the situation develops!